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I had an interesting conversation recently with someone who, considering my love of hip hop and writing, asked if I’d ever freestyled. Once I was satisfied that the question was free of mockery, I responded, “Ummmmmmmm, no. No one deserves that kind of mistreatment.”
“But surely you’ve tried to.”
“No, why the fuck would I do that?”
“I just think it’s strange that you care so much and listen so much but never tried it out.”

Then I pulled out the race card, which sadly didn’t work, but it did give me a chance to put forward a few reasons why MCing isn’t for me. Allow me to explain why I could never write lyrics….

For a start, I’m a bit of a realist. If you haven’t seen drugs, don’t say you sold drugs. If you haven’t held a gun, don’t say you’ve shot someone. If I don’t believe what you’re saying, I can’t take you seriously. For an inexplicable reason, I love aggressive, violent, angry Hip Hop. Onyx and M.O.P. are responsible for the majority of my favourite quotables, I don’t know why. Clearly I don’t relate to their tales of robbing and slanging, but I still find these lyrics have the strongest impact on me as a listener. If I was to write such lyrics having never sold drugs or shot anyone, personally I’d feel like a fool.

Second point, just because I write, doesn’t mean I can write lyrics. My style of writing is technically ranting or as I once described it, ‘wranting’. I don’t see it transferring well onto wax, or mp3 for that matter. I have never been good at rhyming words and will happily claim that words rhyme when they don’t. Basically I’d be the dickhead that thinks purple rhymes with Urkel. Long story short, if I was an MC, I’d be a white girl version of Cam’ron, stunting but forging rhymes.

White girl rap has a long way to go before it can compete with white boy rap on a mainstream scale. The latest sensation, Kreashawn, is definitely attention grabbing and with over a million YouTube hits three weeks into Gucci Gucci’s release, she’s a strong contender. She ain’t saying nothing new, but it’s fun. I don’t for a second believe she keeps the work in her trunk but it’s nice to see a cutie reppin’ for the ladies.


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